someday i will sail again.

i am reading this book at the moment. i am completely absorbed and will share my thoughts when it is finished.

i would like to make a proper update, but it is late and i am getting up early for work in the morning. i will most likely forgo washing my face, which is a bad move. i will briefly update this instead.

i was hurt again recently by him. thankfully i have been given a cushion, a support system, a reason to feel that certain feeling in my chest as of late. it broke my fall.

the new job is good but stressful and slow-going. i don't understand how people in high positions of international companies do not understand the dire importance of follow through and communication. oh well. i will endure because it's what i do. things will get better. i am learning a lot about myself and am being forced to step outside of my comfort zone for the good of the business. i said i wanted a challenge, didn't i? something to mold from a soggy lump of disastrous clay and make it a masterpiece? there's not enough moisture in this clay. it's not budging. it's just staining my fingertips and hurting the joints in my fingers. i will drag it down to the river if i have to. bathe it and baptize it in the cleansing waters of consumerism.

i have decided that come spring semester, i will return to school come hell or high water and i will not stop until i am finished. i have to. i HAVE to. learning is what i love.

here's a playlist for you. you deserve something for reading all of my consarned whining. maybe you will see something unfamiliar and discover something wonderful:
hewhocorrupts
able baker fox
rorschach
a tribe called quest
blonde redhead
forcefedglass
the fucking champs
charles bronson
goblin cock
shellac
in/humanity
raekwon
the promise
born against
the album leaf
three mile pilot
racebannon

that is all for now. i will be swept into what the rest of this week has to hold for me, so perhaps a more detailed update next week.

my birthday is in 8 days. i will be 23. when i was very young, i pictured myself as a twenty-something. it was very vivid and specific. it is so odd because what i pictured is what i am, but completely different. maybe my grandmother was right. maybe i can see things before they happen. or maybe i underestimate the power of suggestion.